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Children want the love of their parents

Omir - Aina #33, 16/11/2006
program coordinator, NGO "Sana Sezim"
Sh. Yussupzhanova

Children want the love of their parents

   Human life is given once and it should have the opportunity to be carried out with dignity. Adults have the largest affect on children and they need the love of their parents.

   Raushan (name changed), is a graduate of an orphanage, and did not see the love and affection of her parents. She was a student at a Pedagogical Institute, but could not finish because she needed to earn a living. She met a young man, who gave her a family and a home; she had a child, and then gave that child all what she has been denied in childhood. They had a modest wedding, which brought together their closest friends and relatives.
   Once she was married she began also living with her husband's grandmother. She immediately felt that she did not like Rose, who believed that Raushan did not match her grandson. Rose felt that Raushan received a bad upbringing, as she was from an orphanage. Maybe at the beginning Raushan didn't do everything, but she needed to be given time.
   Raushan tolerated humiliation and insults from Rose and her husband for a long time, but finally they had to part. After they were officially divorced, her ex-husband stole their child and went to another city. Raushan did not know where to look for her so, but found out through a friend that he had been taken to Taldykorgan. Raushan remembers being scared as she went for her son. Her husband had threatened her, "Don't do anything or look for anybody". With the help of the law enforcement officials she was able to retrieve her son.
   Later, fate brought to her a good man who supported her in difficult times. They lived in peace and they had a daughter. Raushan thought that this must be what a woman's happiness looks like, but life is never just white. There are always black stripes. This became clear when Rose accused Raushan's second husband of resentment and of beating her grandchildren. She filed a statement with the police and the problems began anew for Raushan. Rosa wanted Raushan's rights as a mother to be denied. As a result of this investigation it was found that the child had been subjected to frequent stress and that he had developed neurosis and that this was having an effect on his upbringing and spiritual development. As a result, he was afraid of his step-father which was further exacerbated by his great-grandmother telling the child that he was a poor man that could cause him harm. The child also showed insularity, timidity, apathy, indifference to everything, and systemic diseases (enuresis, frequent colds). The boy began to think that the conflict was because of all of this.
   Raushan did not understand why she must go through all of this, and now that her child should go through it as well. It was not violating any agreements with her ex-husband for her to communicate with her son. Her ex-husband had not looked into the health of his son; his studies, did not come when he was sick, or even been paying alimony. Her ex-husband had no paternal feelings toward the child, but he and his grandmother were using him as a weapon against Raushan. The child was only 10 years old, of whom eight they had been divorced.
   Raushan appealed for help from the Legal Center for Women's Initiatives "Sana Sezim", which protects the rights of women and children exposed to violence. The staff of the organization understands that the cruel treatment and punishment of children is prevalent in our area. Psychologists at "Sana Sezim" say that as children are subjected to domestic violence, they will later as adults have difficulty in communication and relationships. People who have suffered as a child to violence or witnesses of violence, can not maintain close cordial relations, they find it difficult to trust people, they always checking and all are awaiting a trick. This is due to the fact that the experienced violence leads to the formation of low self-esteem.
   Traditional public acceptance of this type of violence impedes the work of protecting children and to delineate attempts to endorse discipline and condemn ill-treatment. If intentional harm or humiliation to a child is considered acceptable, the protection of children and the promotion of positive upbringing cannot be articulated or justified.
   Often, because of their ambitions, adults forget about children, about their children's souls, and of their rights to live in love. But these children are our future and what we invest in them today is what we get tomorrow.

   Solving the problem is in our hands! Stop violence in the family! For all your questions call the Legal Center for Women's Initiative's "Sana Sezim" at their phone hotline: 56-27-32.