“Panorama Shymkenta”, # 26 (933) 27/06/2008
E. Berdigalieva

   You are mistaken if you think that these words could mean a feeling of passionate love. Generally, this threat comes from failed courtships and now an attempt to force the marriage of girls that do not hold a “sincere” attachment. During my student years, I remember the unspoken taboo that existed in the south when my peers went to visit guys.
   “He may accidentally steal you!” warned parents of my female friends, who had heard about the tradition of bride kidnapping in the south. It has been more than 20 years, as my colleague from the Kazakh newspaper seriously divided my feelings about this relationship: “I'm afraid once again let my daughter on the street and to let her go to parties with her friends.”
   In conversation with a colleague: “Now it is still certified to steal and not to spend money the education of the future bride”. “What is the education in village? Last year a girl was stolen, and is now farming at home in a remote village.”
   Even if a person is advanced they talk about this phenomenon with caution and concern, that bride theft is still a common way of marriage among the population in the south.
   The customs and traditions, including the bride kidnapping as a social phenomenon and tarnishing the honor and dignity of women, was discussed at a recent “round table”, held at the data center to support democracy in Shymkent.
   The meeting was attended by the Association of Business Women, Commission for Family Affairs and Gender Policy under the Akim of the city department of internal policies, and the Legal Center for Women’s Initiatives “Sana Sezim” and discussed how it is socially dangerous when this phenomenon is perceived by many as a tradition and relevant to the present day, despite the violation of women's rights as human beings and citizens.
   In principle, the statistics of bride kidnapping, according to the social survey, 93.3% of respondents are aware of girls (120), 66,7% of men do not know anything about, 6.7% of girls and 33,3% (? !) men. The legitimacy of the abduction of the bride is recognized by 66.7% of men against and 33.3% of women, 86,7% of the respondents believe that the phenomenon is illegal, 13,3% - do not know the answer to this question. Yes, southern men do not perceive conditions of the family and to break a woman's heart to be uncompromising.
   Imagine 66,7% of men admit the possibility of a bride kidnapping, 33,3% - did not. 93,3% of those polled a prerequisite for the establishment of a family for an agreement, and only 6,7% - did not.
   The difference of opinion is typical and in clarifying the reasons for the abduction of the bride. 33,3% of male respondents quoted reasons as rejection of other girls, 33.3% - the costs of a marriage and 33,3% - other reasons. There are less eloquent views on this subject, of getting lovely ladies: 33,3%, the of cost matchmaking, the same number - and issues with the parents 20% of women surveyed consider that the problems of boys.
   The current population of in the South has the tradition of paying a dowry for a bride in the amount of 1000 and more and depending on the viability of families some feel forced to kidnap, in which there is no need to pay a dowry for the future bride. Men peremptory in its conclusions: 66,7% consider sustainable marriages possible with bride kidnapping, this view is shared by only 40% of girls and 46,7% did not think such a marriage strong.
   The “round table” came to the conclusion that the current legal illiteracy of society had sustained a society dominated by tradition, and the impact has led to the problem of low levels of social life in rural areas.
   By the way, forced marriage and bride thefts are prevalent in Kyrgyz, Uzbeks, Uighurs, Tajiks, and Turks. And as news agencies reported in the neighboring republics, the farther the village from the capital and regional center, the worse the situation is.
   “Recently there have been incidents of bride kidnapping among immigrants from Tajikistan. This abuse of the girl, forced entry into marriage, is seen as an ancient custom. The boys that steal the girls are often quite unfamiliar with them. The mother and the father of the groom convince the stolen girl to stay by saying that her parents themselves, their parents, and other ancestors married in such a way.” This is an excerpt from the conversation at the “round table”, held in Zhayylskom region of Chui oblast of Kyrgyzstan on the initiative of non-governmental organizations on gender issues. Instead Zhayylskogo area one can also write in the names of other areas: Maktaaralskogo, Suzak, Baydibekskogo, Otyrarskogo areas, because it is in these rural areas that the stealing brides most prevalent. By the way, according to the Kyrgyz newspaper, in 2003 the young people of Tajik migrants have created 22 new family of 14 marriages occurred through theft of the bride. Nine families within in a year broke up ... Not only the young people of marriageable age, but also their parents, relatives, servants, mosque; condone these actions in such marriages.
   “Discussion of this issue flared badly. If you turn to history, even in the old days, the kidnapping of brides, was a risky affair. A Kazakh man was given a punishment if he took a Ukrainian girl against her will. Incidentally, even the sharia condemns marriage against the will of the girl and this is also recorded in the Koran. Unfortunately, the ban on the spiritual level and the legal laws that punish people for theft do not stop many of our irresponsible citizens. No wonder the meeting participants unanimously expressed the need to improve the legal responsibility of men and the legal literacy of girls,” finds Shaybekova, director of information center in support of democracy.
   ... Umit K. was studying at university, when she was stolen on her birthday. Her past, the “marriage”, she tries not to remember. She was very much a city girl and now has to eat bread her whole life.
   In the village, she said, many live on the principle of “not make litter fish”, if let out, will receive punishment. People may not eat sweet butter for months, but if there are guests they will bring out the chocolate and butter. Also the best room will be kept for guests and every house has extra beds, bags, materials, and carpets. In doing so, the owners themselves are at home for weeks may not have hot food, may not eat meat for months, and live in the closest room of his house. Maybe, as Umit retells the story of the village, she has a negative perception of the world which began with a loveless marriage to a man. She stood and fought for her right and be a person. And how many more girls because of the notorious traditions and customs continue to tolerate violence against each other?