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The other side of life. Trouble does not come alone

“Panorama Shymkent”, № 14 (765) 08.04.2005.
E. Berdigalieva

The other side of life.
Trouble does not come alone

   “Since September 2004 we have been working on the project “Stop domestic violence”, with the financial support of the Dutch women's fund “Mama Cash”, who finances various women's programs. The project conducted a campaign during the “16 days without violence” (from November 25 to December 10). During the campaign we had seminars with representatives from law enforcement and psychological services for women who suffered domestic violence. The main purpose of our organization is to provide practical advice to victims of psychological violence. We continue to operate our hotline (2161-25) where they can get help for their painful problem. In the office we also provide anonymous and free advice,” according to psychologist at the Legal Center for Women's Initiatives “Sana Sezim”, Vera Zakutnyaya.
   “What people have you already spoken to? How many were you able to help?”
   There are calls for many situations, like when to call for immediate intervention by law enforcement agencies. This is possible if it is requested by the victim of domestic violence. Unfortunately, because of many women’s mentality victims of domestic violence are afraid to contact the law enforcement agencies because of fear of losing their children’s father and the head of household. This could mean that they would later be deprived of housing and a material well-being, and many prefer to have a father in the family even if he is a tyrant.
   Here is one typical example. We spoke with a 35 year old woman. It appears from our conversation that 15 years of her married life passed with humiliation and fears of a systematic beating from her husband. Only after her 16-year-old daughter died after being hit by a car did the woman decide to divorce her husband.
   According to the victim, her husband physically forced her to live together. Because of constant stress and fear of her husband, she had to resign. Interviews can be used as preventive procedures for stress, to develop an objective self, to overcome self-doubt had to be with a woman, before she decides to take our real help. Our lawyer went to the divorce process. The “victim” agreed to get support from a sister and two adult nephews. It is not easy for victims to overcome their fears.
   Circumstances are now slowly emerging in her favor, but this does not always happen. We were very alarmed by an anonymous call by a 13-year-old Azerbaijani girl. The girl had been kidnapped by and married to an Uzbek man who spoke to her with threats and by raising his hand. They live in his parents’ home and his relatives are in control of her every step. Her parents, for fear of publicity, decided not to pick up their underage daughter and take her home. The girl was crying at the other end of the phone and eventually someone prevented her speaking and they hung up. We have not lost hope to restore this communication and help her, not only psychologically but also in legal terms.
   Yes, in the court it is not the middle Ages, but life nonetheless presents such ambiguous cases. Sometimes experienced psychologist has difficulty...

Victims blame themselves

   When it is particularly difficult?
   When the situation looks hopeless. For example, we spoke to a man. They too often find themselves in the role of the victim. He worked two jobs and his wife was a housewife. He earned enough money for their two children to attend a prestigious school and to travel abroad on holiday twice a year. Nevertheless, the man called because his wife systematically expresses dissatisfaction and demands that her husband start a third job. The paradox of all was that the man was in disarray and unable to solve the issue.
   The victims often blame themselves as causing pressure on their partner to do the wrong. When there is this sort of psychology they are suddenly the victim of a negative event in their lives...
   Women are especially fond of blaming themselves and are often self-limited to a typical conclusion: “If I were silent, he would not be moved.”
   When you try to evade the truth, he, the husband uses such obscene words - Iron is the heart of this and I should not get any ideas.

In order not to get into the network of violence

   What could warn people against falling into a network of domestic violence? Regardless of sex ...
   There is a pressing commandment: we perceive things how we perceive ourselves. Suggestibility (a component of the unconscious) is usually from everyone. And if those in your environment (mother-in-law, sister, sister, wife or someone else from the family) is creating self-humiliation of you and your personal qualities, oppose them with positive self-esteem, success in the workplace, affect the actions of others, and if necessary say “no”. First of all: love yourself.
   Unfortunately, the southern mentality has taught men to give women in many cases, a secondary, unfair role. There is also respect for elders and paying homage to the traditions and customs of both families “on the special” education of their daughters and boys, giving the boys more freedom and will. This increases the potential victims of domestic violence and the likelihood that they boys will be future tyrants and despots. And the stereotypes in society look down on the status of divorced women, so when they become slaves they are forced to endure domestic violence, to keep silent, and endure the humiliation and beatings. If a woman or man, any person is not able to cope with such circumstances, we are ready to help with psychological counseling. One only needs to dial our hotline. On our line you will be listened to by specially trained operators, as well as psychologists and experienced volunteers. In life there are many different situations, therefore, each case will receive special attention and recommendations. Above all, you do not have to give up on your problems and give into oppressive depression. Moreover, the confidentiality of your call is guaranteed.

Traffic Barrier

   Increasingly, the media has raised the issue of trafficking - the illegal removal of people for physical and sexual exploitation, exploitation of child labor, using women as objects of surrogate motherhood. Since March 1, 2005 a massive campaign has been launched to prevent trafficking. What is involved in at your center?
   Often, people work abroad with a tourist visa through different travel companies. At the sites they are illegally employed and later attached to sex work at the benefit of their new “masters”. At our training seminars those who are planning to work abroad are taught the proper drafting of contracts, the correct visa, and the nuances of labor agreements with the company-employer. Women should be cautious for advertisements for “workers”, which in fact could mean prostitutes.
   Many consciously choose among the professions of nanny, governess, and quite often – dancer. Even if these recommendations were received from trusted friends, we should not neglect getting all the information. No wonder we have practice seminars about law enforcement in the target victim groups, particularly among children in orphanages. As you remember, there was a happy coincidence of random circumstances, which prompted the response of our police on the illegal preparation of exporting to the Emirates a few graduates of a Sairam orphanage.
   Potential victims of such attractive offers should talk to those such as the women we called. Recently, with the help of law enforcement officials she managed to rescue her daughter from Turkey. She went there in hope of working as a dancer and ended up a prostitute. Now she is in serious depression, and did not speak with her mother. Her mom also wants to persuade her to write a formal statement to the police, so they can initiate criminal proceedings against the individuals who fraudulently coerce people outside the country. She asked for help to convince the victim. But there seems to be a particular need for serious psychological help.

Do not tempt fate

   In life, there are a lot of temptations. There are threats of violence and only the sane, legally competent person can protect themselves from them. To this end, there is rewarding work today among many non-governmental organizations and public associations. In life – the temptress does not always accept the rule of law. Therefore, not tempt fate by looking and it will be favorable to you.